2019 Eclipse Portal


i've learned my inner child (i relate to my Mars in Leo as my inner child) is conditioned to create DRAMA instead of art. and i'm being shown what happens to me when i don't "feel at home." ...home is where the heart is... it's the 4th House of the zodiac; home and feeling are both expressions of Cancer energy.

i have Jupiter, the jovial giant, and planet of abundance in Cancer: Jupiter expands all he touches, and intuitive, nurturing, mothering Cancer senses on a deeeeeply subconscious level... feels like i'm being shown another glimpse into where/how my intuition functions; why/how i see beneath the surface. i'm also tuning into my codependent tendencies (Cancerian), and verrrry clearly sensing my Self circa 2000-2001 --- eclipses work in 19-year cycles. 

in 2001..... deep breath..... my first love with was horribly addicted to drugs. i had my own rather slippery relationship with powdery substances, zero self esteem, and little capacity to understand why the man i "loved" consistently chose drugs over me. in hindsight, i see myself consistently choosing to sit in a cesspool of self loathing and abandonment. 

i experienced a full-on rejection of self beginning around 19 years old.... energetically, i was completely disassociated from my body (hello #HYPNOSIS!). physically, i loathed and criticized my body, always wanting it to be something other than what it was. and emotionally, i was numb.

....and my heart breaks for my 19-year self stuck back there <3 i am reclaiming her NOW; it began with establishing boundaries and cutting ties with toxic, highly triggering, and/or imbalanced relationships.

i'm witnessing the nature of my emotional landscape crumbling beneath my feet... the shifts are intense and the choices i'm making are difficult; both afford more peace... more space. i'm doing my best not to jump outta my heart and into my head when i feel hard feelings or think painful thoughts, but the intensity of the energy just won't have it.


men keep letting me know my communication style isn't "kind." ha.... guess what... i'm not necessarily going for KIND. anyone else having this sorta experience?? the one where the other shames you for being direct, short, and perhaps a bit more disconnected than a "woman should be?" ...for being the antithesis of Cancer energy. this is Mercury conjunct Mars in Leo and it's LOUD in my Being. 

my self consciousness is in my face. my lack of self esteem and how i give away my power is literally becoming painfully obvious. my anger, frustration, and intensity are alllll on hi..... and there's still more i could blah blah about...

this eclipse portal is shredding my human. i'm allowing it... if nothing else, the trick is to surrender to the flow <3

#buckleupbaby #goinforaride #planetaryalchemy #eclipseportal #Cancer#Mars #Venuschannel

Defensive Communication


i'm having a REALLY HARD TIME w the current energy. my eyeballs continue to overflow with alllllll of the emotion coming up and out. feeling lots of sadness, grief, loss. senses as if I'm letting go of my former self, the false associations and attachments -- all aligned with last month's Gemini energy.

giving myself permission to see things as they are instead of as I Am. holding deep space as the taste is smacked outta my mouth over and over again -- I've worn rose-tinted glasses as a defense mechanism (Venus conjuncts Neptune in my chart, and they square my Pisc Moon) and am being guided to get downright ferocious about where I've been "defensive" in the past.

certain defenses are there to protect, honor and empower.... others lend to subconscious manipulations and a false sense of security. I gather this is the impact of Mars conjunct Mercury in Cancer opposing Pluto/Saturn in Cap: Mars is the wounded, immature masculine; the aspect that hasn't had the capacity, desire, courage to hold space for the rising feminine; Mercury is the messenger, the communicator of the Zodiac, and represents the conscious, thinking mind. Cancer is about empathy, compassion, intuition, boundaries... Pluto destroys to create. Saturn wraps energy in the confines of spacetime; it limits, binds, discerns, and Capricorn represents the structure upon which our identities are built -- that structure is outmoded -- we've called it PATRIARCHY. 

I'm witnessing my desire (Mars) to speak up (Mercury) anytime I feel my boundaries (Saturn) challenged (Pluto)... when I do speak up, I am generally *very direct, my tone indicates the frustration I'm feeling, and I don't really give a shit whether who is receiving likes the way my message feels, appreciates the nature of the message, or even acknowledges 'the why' behind having established the boundary. what's most important is that I am vulnerable (Cancer sun), authentic and aligned when I share my thoughts and feelings. for a strong empath with psychic sensitivities, this is MAJOR. maaaaaaajor <3

and oh, btw, there's an eclipse July 2 at 10 Cancer.....

Lost In the Sauce


Saturday morning, i walked to a coffee shop by myself in Chicago. i enjoyed a delicious coffee and part of a Pluto class from a few weeks back... Pluto is about death, rebirth, transformation, surrender. He destroys to create and is quite prominent in my chart. i believe my Pluto affords the power to dissolve clients' outmoded ego structures.

either way, historically speaking, my sense of direction is flawed (nonexistent). i left the coffee shop, headed home and wandered for about 10 minutes before i started feeling confused and out of place. i didn't recognize the scenery... i felt lost, so i pulled out my phone to check the map, which doesn't help a whole lot when ya don't know north from south or east from west.

my phone had 1% juice remaining, so i took a pic of the map (HAHAHAH). then my phone died, and i started breathing deeply... feeling the confusion and fear and panic of being "lost" and unable to find my way home... all metaphors for the massive shift in consciousness i sense at this time.

i told my Self, my brain, my thinker, my ego wouldn't be able to make sense of what was happening.... it can't feel.. all it does is make up stories. my body; however, can! i decided i could trust my body and it's guidance system; i can trust my intuition and honor the messages i so clearly receive. i also knew i could ask for help and that i wasn't THAT far from the apartment.

i managed to fully surrender my process on the streets of Chicago, and i found my way home. i also found tall, dark, handsome firefighters to assist... and i cried when i found my Cousin and Friend waiting for me back at the apartment. hahaha... i'm also noticing that i'm feeling more confident about where i am, and which direction is best for me. whatta journey!!

i am BEYOND grateful to be out of Atlanta for today's Sag full moon... how are y'all experiencing the energy? i feel incredibly balanced and clear. wide. open. <3

Venus as the Lioness Goddess, Sekhmet


y'all may or may not know this about me, but shortly after i began moving through my awakening, in early 2016, i realized i was in communication with Venus. She presented as the planet, and guided me toward finding a new Lover, to use the energy of orgasm to create, so She may make manifest -- the Goddess of Love -- through me.

"anchor the vibration of unconditional love. serve as a Divine Channel. practice sex magic. you are an alchemist."

at that time, i knew very little about channeling. i didn't really have a meditation practice. i didn't know sex magic was a thing, and i was clueless about "alchemy." i was; however, learning a LOT about #hypnosis, #Reiki and energy, getting into Tarot and other forms of Divination, and ultimately, developing my connection to my "guide," Venus.

i attracted my Lover. (on Tinder. ha!) we made mind-blowing, soul-expanding, earth-shattering Love each time we connected...orgasms literally make more love, Y'all. i quickly and clearly recognized that our way of relating was different; that he was coming to the "Temple," (me) to receive from the Goddess... Venus.... not necessarily visiting Beck to have delicious sex.

all the while, i was talking to Venus, learning more about her astrology and astronomy. correlating dates related to her descent into the underworld, her rise as a morning/evening star, retrogrades...realizing her energy guides me (and the collective) through regular ego deaths. awestruck to recognize

my human somehow moves in perfect alignment with VENUS.

if you're curious about your own Venus, Kristine Backes is part of this group and can offer deep insight.... our work together helped fine tune my connection to Venus; it placed my attention on the archeypal energy of Venus in Sagittarius specifically, as my Venus is in Sag. interestingly, Venus in Sag presents as Sekhmet, the Egyptian Lioness Goddess who was sent to earth by Ra to alchemize rage to compassion and balance injustice.

i got into clear communication with Sekhmet in early 2017... never realizing it was actually an interation of VENUS i was working with. anywho, i found this article this morning, and cried as i read; it's happening and it feels lonely. i feel the pressure of Dharma, Karma, Pluto, Saturn, Mars, Mercury, the Nodes.... i feel karmic ties, contracts, relationships disintegrating as the energy that held them in place is liberated there at the Nodes.

this energy is hard. yesterday was easy. Sekhmet and Venus are supporting, nonetheless <3

"The ancient Egyptians describe Sekhmet as the daughter of Ra, the feminine eye of the Sun, sent to Earth to restore balance and order. She was sent to alchemically transform any negativity plaguing the Earth. She does this by devouring it, taking it into her belly, or alchemical cauldron, digesting and transforming it in to a powerful expression of Pure Divine Love."


#presentsofmind #planetaryalchemy #Sekhmet #sekhem #sacredunion #consciouscollaboration #Venus

Past Meets Future in the Now


I've had the luxury of visiting Tasmania and Sydney, as well as other parts of AU on TWO occasions (huge thanks to the friends who helped me get there!!!). When I stepped foot into the misty, moss-laden forest at Cradle Lake, TAS, I felt myself "home" for the first time. 

My mind recited the following #Phish lyrics,

"I wanna live beneath the dirt
A tiny space to move and breathe
Is all that I would ever need.
I'd like to live beneath the dirt
Where I'd be free from push and shove
And all that's swarming up above."

And I began to ponder that somehow, part of my Soul is deeply connected to the land, as well as Aboriginal culture of which I know next to nothing. Kinda awe-inspiring to recognize I'm developing a seemingly parallel, holistic, quantum healing practice that effectively aligns Higher and lower selves, releases chronic pain and dis-ease, and helps sensitives stay present to navigate 3D... much like the beautiful healers mentioned in this article!

The past IS meeting the future in the present moment through YOUR human Self right here and now. Pay attention. Open to receive and set intention to integrate information safely, gracefully, at the perfect rate for you. You don't need anyone outside of yourself to align with YOUR Source and/or its inherent guidance.... The current cosmic energy will *not* be forced or manipulated; it's to be received, witnessed and experienced. 

"She said the most comparable form of alternative medicine to Ngangkari healing was reiki, a Japanese technique for stress reduction.

"Depending on a client's problems, Ngangkari healers offer three main techniques — a smoking ceremony, bush medicines or spirit realignment.

"The healer identifies where the issues are and, through a specific method of healing, which is called panpooni, they take away whether it's pain, a blockage, or some kind of obstruction, with their hands," Ms Panzironi said.


June 7, 2019: Mars conjunct North Node, oppose Pluto and Saturn


this morning, a friend asked what was happening in the stars... apparently the humans are a little freaked out today.

Mars, the fiery planet of action, immature masculine, warrior of the zodiac is quite disruptive in Cancer; the sign of the crab: the Mother, intuition, compassion. this energetic signature is dualistic/polarizing in nature -- Mars and Cancer archetypes are essentially energetic opposites.

the Gemini New Moon set this month's tone, asking us to get into clear alignment with that which resonates as TRUTH for us... Mercury, the messenger, rules Gemini, the sign of the twins, duality, communication, and the throat chakra. I am being clearly guided to establish firm boundaries between myself and anything, especially anyONE whose values/messaging/way of Being/broadcasting in the world are not fully aligned with my own. authenticity and integrity are paramount.

I chant to Ganesha to help shore up my energetic boundaries and when I am having a hard time feeling safe in the world. (I'm pretty sensitive, Y'all.): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeksJqkirTc. Ganesh is the remover of all obstacles and unifier of consciousness.

Neptune, the planet of unconditional love, illusion, disillusion, dissolution is squaring Jupiter at the Great Attractor; a gravitational anomaly that senses like a super-duper Pluto, destroys to create, and also simultaneously emits/consumes its own frequency.

Mars, the immature masculine, is juuuust about to kiss the North Node of Destiny (in Cancer), the point to which the Collective Soul seeks to evolve at this time, while opposing Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn. Saturn is about boundaries, karma, limits, confines of spacetime, and Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, Mr Transformation; they are conjunct the SOUTH Node...

it's like the ego structures that held victim consciousness/patriarchy in place to repress the feminine are being sucked right outta the collective psyche causing tiny subconscious implosions. subtle ego deaths. at the same time, Neptune is offering support to the S Node/Pluto/Saturn, infusing the collective heart, Pisces, with transpersonal love and also overwhelming our humanity with emotion.... all the while, Cancer is illuminating the masculine there at the Node so he might evolve with more compassion, care, nurture, in balance with the feminine.

....the duality/illusion of separation is amplified. communication becomes emotionally detached, cold and aloof in its shadow expression. lots and LOTS of projection, disillusionment, and frazzled nervous systems out there. the advice is to stay focused on the Self. be diligent, deliberate and intentional about staying in alignment with the Being you are in this moment.

#presentsofmind #planetaryalchemy #starchannel #astrology