2019 Eclipse Portal


i've learned my inner child (i relate to my Mars in Leo as my inner child) is conditioned to create DRAMA instead of art. and i'm being shown what happens to me when i don't "feel at home." ...home is where the heart is... it's the 4th House of the zodiac; home and feeling are both expressions of Cancer energy.

i have Jupiter, the jovial giant, and planet of abundance in Cancer: Jupiter expands all he touches, and intuitive, nurturing, mothering Cancer senses on a deeeeeply subconscious level... feels like i'm being shown another glimpse into where/how my intuition functions; why/how i see beneath the surface. i'm also tuning into my codependent tendencies (Cancerian), and verrrry clearly sensing my Self circa 2000-2001 --- eclipses work in 19-year cycles. 

in 2001..... deep breath..... my first love with was horribly addicted to drugs. i had my own rather slippery relationship with powdery substances, zero self esteem, and little capacity to understand why the man i "loved" consistently chose drugs over me. in hindsight, i see myself consistently choosing to sit in a cesspool of self loathing and abandonment. 

i experienced a full-on rejection of self beginning around 19 years old.... energetically, i was completely disassociated from my body (hello #HYPNOSIS!). physically, i loathed and criticized my body, always wanting it to be something other than what it was. and emotionally, i was numb.

....and my heart breaks for my 19-year self stuck back there <3 i am reclaiming her NOW; it began with establishing boundaries and cutting ties with toxic, highly triggering, and/or imbalanced relationships.

i'm witnessing the nature of my emotional landscape crumbling beneath my feet... the shifts are intense and the choices i'm making are difficult; both afford more peace... more space. i'm doing my best not to jump outta my heart and into my head when i feel hard feelings or think painful thoughts, but the intensity of the energy just won't have it.


men keep letting me know my communication style isn't "kind." ha.... guess what... i'm not necessarily going for KIND. anyone else having this sorta experience?? the one where the other shames you for being direct, short, and perhaps a bit more disconnected than a "woman should be?" ...for being the antithesis of Cancer energy. this is Mercury conjunct Mars in Leo and it's LOUD in my Being. 

my self consciousness is in my face. my lack of self esteem and how i give away my power is literally becoming painfully obvious. my anger, frustration, and intensity are alllll on hi..... and there's still more i could blah blah about...

this eclipse portal is shredding my human. i'm allowing it... if nothing else, the trick is to surrender to the flow <3

#buckleupbaby #goinforaride #planetaryalchemy #eclipseportal #Cancer#Mars #Venuschannel

June 7, 2019: Mars conjunct North Node, oppose Pluto and Saturn


this morning, a friend asked what was happening in the stars... apparently the humans are a little freaked out today.

Mars, the fiery planet of action, immature masculine, warrior of the zodiac is quite disruptive in Cancer; the sign of the crab: the Mother, intuition, compassion. this energetic signature is dualistic/polarizing in nature -- Mars and Cancer archetypes are essentially energetic opposites.

the Gemini New Moon set this month's tone, asking us to get into clear alignment with that which resonates as TRUTH for us... Mercury, the messenger, rules Gemini, the sign of the twins, duality, communication, and the throat chakra. I am being clearly guided to establish firm boundaries between myself and anything, especially anyONE whose values/messaging/way of Being/broadcasting in the world are not fully aligned with my own. authenticity and integrity are paramount.

I chant to Ganesha to help shore up my energetic boundaries and when I am having a hard time feeling safe in the world. (I'm pretty sensitive, Y'all.): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeksJqkirTc. Ganesh is the remover of all obstacles and unifier of consciousness.

Neptune, the planet of unconditional love, illusion, disillusion, dissolution is squaring Jupiter at the Great Attractor; a gravitational anomaly that senses like a super-duper Pluto, destroys to create, and also simultaneously emits/consumes its own frequency.

Mars, the immature masculine, is juuuust about to kiss the North Node of Destiny (in Cancer), the point to which the Collective Soul seeks to evolve at this time, while opposing Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn. Saturn is about boundaries, karma, limits, confines of spacetime, and Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, Mr Transformation; they are conjunct the SOUTH Node...

it's like the ego structures that held victim consciousness/patriarchy in place to repress the feminine are being sucked right outta the collective psyche causing tiny subconscious implosions. subtle ego deaths. at the same time, Neptune is offering support to the S Node/Pluto/Saturn, infusing the collective heart, Pisces, with transpersonal love and also overwhelming our humanity with emotion.... all the while, Cancer is illuminating the masculine there at the Node so he might evolve with more compassion, care, nurture, in balance with the feminine.

....the duality/illusion of separation is amplified. communication becomes emotionally detached, cold and aloof in its shadow expression. lots and LOTS of projection, disillusionment, and frazzled nervous systems out there. the advice is to stay focused on the Self. be diligent, deliberate and intentional about staying in alignment with the Being you are in this moment.

#presentsofmind #planetaryalchemy #starchannel #astrology